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My eyes so ashamed of me

They sunk in their sockets.
Tired of looking out
For a mind that sees selfishly.

Do you think they have sentience, 1
Or it’s just the abject poverty?
Am I wasting space?
Need I Antimatter? 2

The hurt, thick as a
Black sister’s thighs,
Blocks off everything
I know and love. 3

Or at least used to.
No enthusiasm to masturbate,
Lost love for missionary. 4
Yeah, pun intended.

My life has converged to
Odd hour talks to purge boredom,
An exhausting pretense about
Apple pies I’m agnostic about. 5

I have a talkative demeanor,
It lies about my age.
Screams Forty-Two! 6
The cosmic alpha and omega.

My hurt ripples past the X-Men
To deep time when existence falls, 7
Becomes cosmic background radiation
To a future disorder of things. 8

White flags are hard to wave
When it’s raining blood. 9
I would rather go to the middle east
To find the blueprints to Babel. 10

Picket heavens,
Brandishing a rare truth,
That I would kill five of my
Best friends just to see her face.

Will surfeit you with more subs 11
Than a Chinese soccer team;
Until you apologize and…and
Give my mother back!

Until then, I will keep walking
Towards a pitiful existence.
So pitiful, Death will need to
Apologize to my mother. 12


Guide To Pissedoffity

The idea of Pissedoffity is to purge my hurt about my mother’s death. She died last month. I just imagined myself in a few years from now and I fear that I might not have enough to live for and hence just waste my life away. I make many Christian references but it is purely for the vine. I am not mad at God or heavens. In fact, I’m agnostic about that discussion. The reason why I used the references is that I’m quite familiar with the ideas and they help me put a point or two across.

  1. I ask if my eyes have sunk in because they are tired of being ignored. I used this wordplay because there are some positive things out there but we tend to fixate on the negative.

  2. Matter + antimatter = nothing. Yeah, just that.

  3. I had made a play on the thickness of the typical negroid chick’s thighs so I keep up with the play. Not tryna start a stereotype, chaplain. Thighs may be thought of as blocking the…well, baby parts. I think it makes look real good, by the way.

  4. Missionary could mean the orthodox way of having sex or it could mean missionary work which is the spread of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I said pun intended cuz I wanted to imply both meanings.

  5. Apple pie is Chinese for pu…vagina. Chinese for vagina. I learnt that from Travis Scott. I don’t want your apple pie, mama! #singing

  6. Talkative demeanor means that the way I look suggests that I am older than I really am. Oh, yeah, 42 actually is a significant number in astrology. It is the alpha-omega constant and why it is so, only one man knows and he won’t tell anybody. Son of a b…gun! Son of a gun!

  7. Deep time is a brainchild of Einstein’s thought experiments. It is the time at which cosmos will fall apart. Don’t worry, you will all be long gone by then. Probably the atoms that make you will be debris in a distant galaxy by then. Euwww!

  8. ‘Order of things’. Just added a dis. Gawd, I love puns!

  9. Blood stains stuff. Ask wome…yeah, that’s dark! Anyway, it was a metaphor for how it is hard to keep the peace when you are hurt.

  10. Babel, a.k.a. Babylon Tower was referenced in the bible, in the old testament book of Genesis. Basically, people were planning to go to heaven so they began making a tower and God sees this and confuses their language because He thought they would be successful if it happened. Yeah, that was before we knew that UP is a really fluid concept and that the earth is not flat.

  11. Subs is short for subliminals. Then the Chinese soccer team was once involved in a scandal about replacing most of their players during half time cuz…well, they apparently looked alike. Yeah, I’m gritting my teeth too. I love Asian chicks, by the way. The Japs. I find the Japs attractive.

  12. The idea was that if I became as wretched as I described it and my mother sees it she’d be hurt to the bone but then, I won’t be to blame but her death.